Letting go of that which no longer serves you
It is a common belief that “letting go” is only relevant within life changing circumstances or when something painful or tragic occurs. I disagree with this notion. I believe that letting go of things which no longer serve us should be something we practice often. I believe that being able to “ let go” is a skill which we can hone and practice daily. If we are able to let go of “ the little things” on a daily basis, it will be much easier for us when we one day face proper life-changing, possibly painful events.
Sometimes the little things which we need to let go of aren’t even physical or tangible, but perhaps they are re-occurring negative thought patterns or habits we need to let go of.
For example, I personally have struggled quite a bit in the past with some negative recurring thought patterns such as “ I wasn’t good enough at ____ today” or “Dammit I said the wrong thing in my meeting” or “ Was I being insensitive to my friend on the phone today” - These thought patterns, as insignificant and common as they may seem are some of those “smaller” things that you can practice letting go of on a daily basis.
Obviously there are much bigger things and proper tragic events that happen to us in life, but as I mentioned before, if you practice with the small, it will be easier to face the big.
If you too would like to cultivate some practices for letting go, I would like to share with you some tips which have helped me personally.
Positive Mantras
How you speak with yourself has a huge impact on your ability of letting go, which is why having motivational mantras you say to yourself when you are going through a difficult time can be very beneficial. Positive Self-talk can help you reframe your thoughts and try seeing things from a different angle. For example instead of keeping repeatedly saying to yourself, “ I can’t believe this happened to me”, try saying something in the manner of, “Life is forcing me to find a new path and overcoming this obstacle will make me stronger than ever before.” Now, I am aware that the idea of positive self-talk is easier said than done, but just as with everything else in life Practice makes perfect. If you are new to practicing positive self-talks and saying mantras to yourself it will take time. At first it will seem pointless and you will have to proper force yourself but with time you will reap the benefits of doing so.
Focus on yourself/work/projects
Personally I believe that this is one of the simplest tactics in helping you with letting go. Focusing on yourself and your passions does miraculous wonders in letting go. There is nothing worse than sitting there and dwelling on the thing that is bothering you over and over again. Maybe you can take up a new hobby, attend a dance class, create something or start that project you have always put off. I personally am a big fan of dance and going to a dance class has always helped me in times of feeling low and having to let go. Shifting your energy onto something else than the thing which bothers you will uplift you and bring your back to centre.
Be gentle with yourself
Letting go isn’t easy and it is important to be kind and patient with yourself. If you become overly critical with yourself because you aren’t doing well enough at letting go things will only get worse. Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend offering self-compassion. Accept that things don’t happen overnight and tell yourself that you are doing the best you can.
Allow negative emotions to flow
Even though being pro-active and practicing positive self-talk is important, there also needs to be a space and a time to proper let yourself feel your negative emotions and pain. Give yourself permission to feel it all and let your emotions flow. Now many have issues with this and feel more comfortable with oppressing their feelings. Personally it really helps me to a actually create or go to a physical place where I can let myself feel everything. For me that place is nature. Going for a walk in nature or sitting by a lake or the sea and giving myself full permission to feel everything I am feeling is something that has worked great for me. Now, I know some people don’t have access to nature- In that case what I would do is create a space for yourself where you can retreat yourself to and let yourself feel. This can be a special room in your house or a space in your apartment which you perhaps decorate with plants or other items that give you comfort. Then access that space whenever you need to.
Accept that person won’t apologise / Take care of your own healing
Now, I personally believe that this is one of the most difficult aspects of letting go. Sometimes we hold on to that imaginary moment in the far future when a person might apologise to us or magically return into our lives. This is literally one of the worst things one can do since this will never lead to truly letting go but make you cling on to false hopes instead of focusing on your own healing. If you want to let go truly you must accept that you will never get closure or get that apology you wish you might get one day. You have to accept that nothing will change, however, you have the power to change the way you look at the situation and the power to heal yourself and move forward.
Self Care
Taking Care of yourself is important when you are going through difficult times. Take a warm bath, make yourself a nice meal, make sure you get enough sleep- These are all things that will help you with your healing process. If you let yourself go physically and mentally you will become more and more powerless in your quest for letting go. Obviously this can be hard if you are feeling like crap, but even if you do one little nice thing for yourself daily it can make a difference.
Talk about it
Talking to a good friend about what you are going through can go a long way. It’s important that we are able to express our feelings and share them with others. Additionally sharing our struggles with others can bring new light to a situation and perhaps give you new insights and ideas on how to deal with it. Tell someone close to you that you are trying to “let go” of a situation or a pattern you have and share your journey with them. If you can’t think of anyone in your life at the moment you can trust with your feelings with get a coach and talk through your experience with them and become pro-active on how you can let go.
I hope you have enjoyed some of these tips on how to “ let go” and feel inspired to try some of these things.
Being able to let go is something we will be faced with over and over again in our lives, so the more we practice being able to do so, the easier it will be.
