Working with your shadow/darkness in order to become the highest version of yourself
The idea of a shadow self was first popularised by the well known psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Young.
Our shadow side consists of are all the parts of ourselves which we reject, suppress and often( on a subconscious level) choose not to see.
The reason we reject these aspects of our personality often goes back into our childhood where we were conditioned to believe that certain aspects of our personality and behaviours were either good or bad. This results in us repressing certain aspects of ourselves.
We fear that if these traits we have buried deep within ourselves come to surface we won’t be loved, accepted or welcomed by others and therefore keep them in our “shadows”.
Our shadow self tends to manifest in moments when we are triggered by someone else’s words or actions making us feel threatened, insecure or lash out at them without consciously understanding why we react so strongly in that specific situation.
Doing shadow work or working with our shadow side can help us eradicate some of it’s negative effects it has on our lives. Shadow work is about binging to light the parts of us which we have repressed, processing them and re-accepting them within ourselves in order to reach a full, whole and integrated state of self.
Carl Young believed that bringing together this split between the conscious self and the shadow self could help to create a balanced life with more gratification and a sense of harmony within the self.
Addressing the emotional baggage we have buried within ourselves will help us show up more wholly and intentionally in relationships and commitments. Growing into the truest version of ourselves is an important step in order to become our true authentic and best version of ourselves.
Naturally getting to know your shadow and engaging in shadow work takes time, patience and vulnerability and it surely isn’t something that can be accomplished in a day or even a week. It’s a process of self discovery, healing and growth. It can make you feel pain, fear and anger. You’ll have to dig deep into yourself and go places you haven’t gone before.
Having done quite a bit of shadow work on myself I would like to share with you a few things which have helped me in identifying, processing and accepting my shadows. I would like to state that the practices which have helped me won’t necessarily help everyone in the same way. Each person’s journey of coming to terms and healing their shadows is unique. I simply would like to inspire you and introduce some possibilities of engaging in shadow work with you by sharing these.
No emotions are bad- Identifying your shadows
Negative emotions are portals into our shadows. We often hide our negative emotions and feel ashamed when we feel them. Let yourself feel all emotions including your negative ones. When you feel an emotion, take a moment and ask yourself, “what am I feeling?” and “Why am I feeling this?”. If you can’t answer these questions right away, that’s ok. Be patient and make a habit of asking yourself why you feel the way you feel and in time the answers will come. It is important to accept whatever comes up for you in these moments. Letting yourself feel negative emotions and staying with them instead of pushing them away isn’t an easy thing to do but it is an important step in finding out what is truly going on in your subconscious and what your shadows are.
Paying attention to patterns
Repeating patterns in our lives which are difficult to break for us can point us toward our shadow self. It is within these patterns where you will find that aspects of your shadow self will repeatedly show up until you are ready to look at them and break the pattern. Ask yourself.” What are some of the recurring patterns in my life?”, “Do I have negative patterns around relationships”? “Do I have negative patterns regarding my health/wellbeing”?. Grab a piece of paper and write down some of the negative patterns you believe you have. Then ask yourself what emotions you associate with those patterns. Do you feel fear? Shame? Self-cosnciousness ? Write down these emotions associated with the patterns. Then ask yourself in true honesty why you believe you are stuck within these patterns. Try answering this question without blaming anyone else but truly going within yourself and try to recognise what kind of answers and reasons come up. Some of these may be your shadows/part of your shadow self .
Think about someone or something that triggers you
It is often the case that what we find most distasteful or difficult in others are reflections of parts within ourselves that we find unlikable. Thus a helpful thing to do while doing shadow work is to think of someone or something that bothers you and reflect on what exactly it is that bothers you about that person or thing. Helpful questions to ask might be:
What is it about that person I don’t like?
If I am completely honest with myself do I exhibit some of those same traits sometimes?
What makes it so difficult to be around them?
If you answer these questions carefully you may get to the bottom of revealing some of your shadows. Be patient and kind with yourself as you go through this.
Reflect upon your childhood
Behaviours that you were judged on when you were a child have created some of the shadow aspects you carry within yourself as an adult. Try to objectively think of your childhood by asking yourself questions such as:
What was expected of me when I was a child and what behaviours and emotions were judged by my family/friends/environment?
Was I completely accepted as a child?
How did I feel most of the time?
Finding the answers to these questions will help you find the shadow aspects of yourself. Remember that digging deep into ourselves and looking into the past can be painful. Be kind to yourself and be aware that this can open up some old wounds and trauma.
Face your shadow
Once you’ve got a clear idea of your shadow self you can begin doing some work on confronting, releasing and accepting your shadow. Now, this is a process which takes time so be aware this won’t happen over night. Meditating onto your shadow side and releasing your shadows positive affirmations can be a great start in coming to terms with your darker side. Some affirmations may include:
I release fear
I release insecurity
I release shame
I release doubt
I allow the darkest shadow within me to be released
I accept the darkest shadow within me as part of myself
My shadows no longer hold me back but make me stronger and make me whole
I would like to mention again that this is a practice which has helped me a lot personally but there may be other practices better suited for you. Shadow work when done throughly can be extremely rewarding but it isn’t an easy thing to do. Stay patient and be cautious.
I hope you enjoyed and feel inspired by some of these practices on how to do shadow work. I personally believe that getting to know our shadows, releasing them and accepting them is a very important practice for anyone who wishes to become the best version of themselves.
